Who is your mentor?

A decade or so ago, my position got me to attend many events related to research funding.

In these events, also often participated one female scientist. She would speak up or ask questions whenever she had the opportunity.

 The area she represented was relevant then and is now – gender equality in science. The only problem is that every time we listened to the same questions, the same reproaches and suggestions repeatedly.

I told myself then that I would NEVER become like her. Because when she stood up or raised her hand, everyone around her wanted to scream in despair that they would have to listen to the same thoughts AGAIN.

Now I often wonder if I have become like her because I see mentoring everywhere! 

When I study the situations mentioned in the articles and posts, I keep thinking that:

• the solution is just about finding a good mentor!

• this organization needs to sort out its mentoring program because they forgot a critical point 😊

• etc.

Today, reading articles in the “Harvard Business Review,” I wrote down how simple mentoring would solve the identified problems in four separate places!

I remembered that researcher who talked about gender equality because one of my highlights today was reviewing a study about risks to women’s careers.

The study shows that more women than men who have young children would choose to work full-time from home in recent years.

According to the study’s authors, this is a worrying finding, given the evidence that off-site employees have lower rates of promotion.

What did I note in my review of this study?

The question “How can I increase my chances of promotion through mentoring? “. Even if you work not in the office!

And some answers like – Mentor your colleagues and find different mentors within your organization.

This way:

• Expand your social network.

• You will have more “warm contacts” within the organization.

• There will be more opportunities to develop your competencies. Especially those that are not reflected in your current work.

• You’ll be more involved in the organization, even if you work from home!

• You would learn new things, even if you didn’t expect to.

• You will develop your leadership skills.

The list goes on and on, but you get the idea 😊.

Successful organizations are no longer asked, “DO YOU HAVE A MENTORSHIP PROGRAMME?”

Asked -” What mentoring programs do you have?”

Successful professionals are no longer asked, “DO YOU HAVE A MENTOR?”

Instead, they are asked, “Who is your mentor?“

 What is your answer?

The benefits of mentoring

I think that everyone could find an umbrella in the house. And most of us carry it around every day, whether in a handbag, backpack, or car.

Well, if you don’t carry it with you every day,  you possibly check the daily weather report or look outside the window to check if it will rain or not. If you think that it will rain, you’ll take your umbrella with you for sure.

After all, when it’s raining outside, and you need to get from point A to point B, you probably want the journey to be as comfortable as possible. I mean, no one likes getting rain blown into your face by strong gusts of winds.

The umbrella may not help you avoid the rain altogether, but it can help you feel more comfortable and safe in this situation.

A mentor also won’t help you to avoid the harsh situations (how we can’t avoid the rain or snowstorms) that await when you:

• Changing your job or looking for new career opportunities;

• Creating a business;

• Coming back to your job after a long break;

• When problems arise in the family;

• Encountering a difficult disease;

• Encountering similar situations where you don’t feel good but don’t know how to change it.

However, the mentor can hold the umbrella over your head thanks to his experiences and knowledge!

Even if the weather outside is horrible, it is much easier to travel through it with someone who already has some experience traveling.  And with someone who can also lend you an umbrella!

• When we are struggling with something, a mentor helps us to see the situation from a different angle;

• When they notice that we are blinded and heading to a cliff, a mentor can stop us;

• With their knowledge, they can show us a straight path, so we don’t go down alleyways;

• When we feel lost and afraid (because there is “thunder, it’s cold, dark, and there is heavy rain” in our life), they show and convince us that not everything is that bad;

• When we don’t understand something, a mentor give us a question, which takes off our blindfold, and suddenly everything becomes clear;

• A mentor introduces us to other people who could be our next companions in the future.

So mentoring is like an umbrella. It makes the journey from point A to point B much easier!

Have you already started looking for a mentor? 😉

How do sometimes mentees surprise Mentors?

I am connected to the TEAMS,  sitting in a  meeting alone and waiting for my mentee to join. But the mentee is not joining.  

There are no messages either to inform me that the mentee won’t be able to join.

I send him a message myself informing him that I am in the meeting and asking if everything is okay? No response.

1st mistake

 Mentees are not joining the planned meetings.

Yes, I know that anything can happen. If it’s a case and you can’t be in the meeting, you should call, send a message and warn your mentor that you can’t join.

If a situation like this occurs rarely and is not a reoccurring issue, I’m sure that every mentor will understand and reschedule the meeting time.

In my situation, this was our second attempted meeting. We planned the first meeting a week ago. With 11 minutes left till the meeting, I received a message from my mentee. It said that he is still not free and that we have to delay the meeting by half an hour or reschedule it for tomorrow.

 I couldn’t join later that day, and tomorrow was a Saturday which was not okay for me. We agreed to have the next meeting a week later.

Right now, I am sitting in this postponed meeting after one week and writing this very blog.

Well, of course, it’s because I am currently sitting in the meeting alone.

My mentee isn’t here. And this time, he didn’t warn me even 11 minutes before.

As my mentee wrote me later, he just forgot this meeting.

2nd mistake

Ask someone to be your mentor when you don’t know why you need this mentor.

Having a mentor has recently become fashionable.

It seems like some people think like that:

“I don’t know why I need precisely this mentor, but I will take it if the opportunity arises. If I can participate in some mentoring program and have a mentor for free, I will do it. We’ll see what they can show me. Maybe something will be helpful in the future. ”

___________________

 “One day, Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

– Which road should I take? – she asked.

His response was a question :

– Where do you want to go?

– I don’t know,  – Alice answered.

– Then, – said the cat, – it doesn’t matter.” (Lewis Carroll, Alice in wonderland )

____________________

 The provided information of what one of my future mentees wishes to achieve during our mentoring reminded me of this dialogue of Alice and the cat.

“I arrived at this program to hear and understand the opinions of different people… “

Later some interests are named – He works in a financing-focused job, there is interest in cryptocurrencies, stocks.

 And not a single one of these subjects falls into my areas of mentoring.

 So I continue to try to understand how I can help him.

Once again, I asked him how can I specifically help, and why he chose me. This is the answer I received.

 “One of the main reasons would be the long-term experience you have in mentoring, which by simply talking with you would positively affect my experiences. “.

Then he names some more fields he is interested in. Communications, marketing.

None of these fields matched up with my areas of mentoring!

What does he expect from me?

“It would be beneficial and nice to hear your story, your faced problems and how you overcame them, what lessons you’ve learned from life, and of course your successful strategies which helped you become what you are now. “

I stopped asking questions and decided that we would talk everything over in the first meeting.

Of course, you can object and say that the mentee knew what he wanted from our mentoring relationship. He wanted to hear my life story.

 But mentoring is not listening to someone’s biography.

Yes, the mentor will share his experiences, which will help the mentee make their own decisions in the future.

However, mentoring is a mentor’s and a mentee’s collaborative work.

Sometimes, mentoring is needed just for the mentee to set his goal and learn how to be a good mentee😊. Then, for this mentoring, a goal could be to figure out how mentoring could help the mentee or figure out where the mentee wants to go. Then later, it would be easier to look for another mentor who could help them in a different field.

Let’s not be afraid to name it so like it is. In this case, a mentor is only needed to help the mentee decide what he wants and how mentoring could be helpful.

But if you expect these experts in many different fields to sit down with you and tell you their stories, share their knowledge while you sit there and listen.

Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you. Mentoring is not about that.

In mentoring, mentor and mentee are thinking partners. The mentor uses his own experiences and knowledge in a specific field to help the mentee move forward, but the mentee has to bring all the “resources” to the meeting.

When you already have picked a mentor before you even meet him, ask yourself the question, “Why have I chosen this specific mentor, and how can they help me? “

I have asked this many times people around me. Well, I asked when it seemed like a mentor could be who would push these people to move forward.

What were the answers to my question?

Well, one of the more often ones is where to find this mentor? Not some random one, but the one who will help me.

Another question is – will this help?

What else?

–          Will this mentor know how to help me?

–          How will I find time for this if I’m already unable to do some things on time?

–      Will I be able to be open? Can I trust the mentor that they don’t break our agreement of confidentiality?

I could keep naming more examples, but in all of them, there are a few fears.

We fear looking weak or uneducated.

We fear having to do something we always tried putting to the side.

We fear that we will succeed!

Yes, indeed, we are afraid that we will succeed. And the reason why is because it will change our lives. One way or another, we will lose something.

But how is the mentor involved in this?

To find a mentor means to take responsibility.

It also means:

–          We need to name what we want and look for a way to get it.

–          We won’t be able to dream of how we would like to change something, have something, be different, and do nothing.

When you find a mentor, you need to do something not just dream and talk but also take action. That is what and stops many people. The understanding is that you need to crawl out of everyday life and try new things or go new ways and that sometimes these ways will not be easy.

Yes, it will be easier to travel with a mentor to the finish line. However, they can’t carry us to the finish line. We have to get there ourselves.

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist.

If you read some book or an article about Mentoring, I am sure you know that Mentoring originated from Homer’s Odyssey.

Mentor was a friend of Odysseus. When Odysseus left for the Trojan War, the Mentor was in charge of his son Telemachus. He cared about him, provided advice, was near Telemachus when he needed him.

So, the Mentoring process was therefore named after him.

Did Mentor from Odyssey was the first Mentor?

Yes and No.

The first Mentor was ATHENA – The goddess of knowledge, strategy, war, art, work, and a protector of science.

When Athena visits Telemachus, she hides from other people around. So, she disguises herself in the form of Mentor:

„…So he spoke in prayer, and Athena drew near to him in the likeness of Mentor, both in form and invoice; and she spoke, and addressed him with winged words…“

„…Then Athena, daughter of Zeus, drew near them in the likeness of Mentor both in form and in voice…“

As Mentor, the goddess Athena encouraged Telemachus to stand up against his mother’s suitors and go abroad to find out what happened to his father.

She helps Telemachus see and understand not only what is happening around him but also inside him. She encourages him to develop the ability to evaluate and make wise decisions critically. Through her wisdom, she encouraged the development and growth of Telemach as an individual. Even though she advised Telemach what to do, she never told him to do anything.

Therefore, you can continue saying that the name mentoring and mentoring, in general, originated from Homer’s “Odyssey” without fear. However, remember that the first Mentor was always Athena.

I invite everyone interested in Mentoring to read the Homer “Odyssey” book again while focusing on the parts where Athena, Mentor, and Telemach are involved.

Enjoy reading!