How did I ruin my first mentee?!

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How did I ruin my first mentee?!

Unsuccessful mentoring

The authorship of this phrase does not belong to me. One evening at a cozy mentoring club, a member of that club, who is an experienced mentor, promised to write an article. Having exactly this title. Only one word was different. The original name was supposed to be “How did I ruin my first newcomer?“.  Because in that organization, as in many others, only newcomers were mentored.  For a variety of reasons, that article remained unwritten. That’s a pity. Although I am still waiting for that article.

To be fair, it was worth mentioning that that article had to be humorous. Thought – fun tips on what better not to do when you become a mentor!

 

Well, can I ruin my mentee? Well, maybe not ruin him, but make his life more complicated you really can.  

Unsuccessful mentoring.

Mentoring relationships can also be harmful. For a mentor, mentee, or both. And then there is no benefit to the organization from mentoring.

This is confirmed by both the researchers and my own experience. As a manager, I had to deal with a difficult relationship between a new employee and a mentor.

When assigning a mentor, certain criteria are always followed. The aim is for them to fit each other as much as possible, not only as professionals, but also as personalities. Well, as far as possible.

However, in my practice (as a program manager who formed a mentoring pair according to certain criteria), it has happened that the mentee avoided contact with his mentor whenever he could. Not because the mentor was unprofessional or unwilling to help. No. Just the personalities were extremely different. Attitudes were extremely different. And as a result, in this kind of situation, we no longer think about the benefits that mentoring can bring us.

How to behave in such a situation?

As in all other difficult situations. We need to talk first.

If this does not resolve the situation, then it is recommended that such a relationship be terminated. There is nothing wrong with that.

This is not to say that either of the two is unprofessional or has done something wrong. They just didn’t fit each other.   

After all, in life it happens that we meet people who are both great and benevolent and lovely, well, but for some reason we don’t go out to communicate with them and that’s all. Sometimes you meet an amazing expert in your field, but the way he communicates is not right for you. The same thing happens in mentoring.

Each case is individual.

In the case I mentioned earlier, mentoring, although difficult because of the relationship, continued at the request of the mentee. He did not want his mentoring to be stopped because he thought it would be more difficult for him later to communicate with his mentor who is his colleague as well. Mentee refused to speak openly with the mentor for the same reason. He just wanted to stay in it all as much as agreed and that’s all.

However, that doesn’t mean I didn’t talk to the mentor myself. We talked more than once about how he sees the situation. We discussed the reasons why he could behave differently. What he should learn when planning another mentoring himself?

 Well, I was lucky because the mentor was the one who was able to accept criticism, acknowledge certain traits of his personality, and had enough of a desire to change something in it.

Feedback to the mentor is always important.  It requires only to consider how and when to present.

What if I, mentee, chose a mentor myself?

In the case I described, I was this third person in the mentoring process who appointed a mentor and who monitored the process. Because it all happened in the organization.

But what should I do if I chose a mentor myself?

I asked him to mentor me and after a few meetings I realized that something was completely wrong.

Or vice versa? I agreed to be a mentor, but now I regret it.

Or mentee’s and my expectations are completely different from what they seemed at first.

 Or maybe I’m annoyed by the mentee’s behavior?

What do I do?

You will have to talk.  

The talking won’t be easy. The situation is uncomfortable. But it’s necessary to do.

To make it easier, it is recommended to prepare well for it. As with any difficult conversation.  

Did you find yourself in a situation where you had to stop mentoring or sit down and talk with your mentee or mentor? What is your experience in that?  

Send your thoughts in these two ways.

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HOW TO CHOOSE A MENTOR? Part I

Accredited mentor

HOW TO CHOOSE A MENTOR? Part I

MENTOR ACCREDITATION

 

When I went to my friend’s website, I suddenly noticed a post about the similarities and differences between a mentor and a coach.

 I even stopped after reading one of those differences. It has been written that coaches are accredited and mentors are not… NOT TRUE!

Paradoxically, it was at that time that I was preparing the documents for my accreditation as a Mentor…. So I got annoyed.

 

What organization cares about accreditation of mentors?

My dear ones, for your information – mentors, as well as coaching specialists are accredited. This is taken care of by the European Coaching and Mentoring Council (EMCC).

How to become an accredited mentor?

To become an accredited mentor, you will need to provide evidence that your mentoring practice meets certain professional standards. They reflect both the competencies of the mentor and the methods used, the constant reflection of his activities and participation in supervision, professional development, i.e. participation in trainings, existing experience, work done in the field of mentoring, the mentor’s contribution to the professional growth of the mentoring community, etc.

EIA (European Individual Accreditation) confirms the qualification of a mentor. There are four different levels of accreditation.

How to choose a Mentor?

I notice trends that it is now becoming fashionable to be a mentor. It is one of the marketing tools. I just add the suffix “Mentor” to the names of my other activities and it’s like I’m rising to a higher level, because I’m keeping pace with fashion.

If this will help spread the contagion of mentoring and the understanding that mentoring is extremely beneficial to both organizations and each of us, it will be great.

 On the other hand, it is crucial that we choose where it is just a nice note, and where the mentor perceives and strives to meet the standards set for mentoring activities.

So let’s know that mentors are accredited and by choosing an accredited mentor we can expect a professional in their field. And then, probably, we will be able to not only rejoice that we have mentoring in the organization or that I have a mentor, but also to get the results of mentoring.

Good luck discovering the benefits of mentoring and choosing a mentor.

Latter I will write other tips that will help you to choose a mentor and to benefit from mentoring!

Did you know that exist accreditation of mentors?

Are you interested in?

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WHY TO DEVELOP A MENTORING PROGRAM? Part I

Accredited mentor

WHY TO DEVELOP A MENTORING PROGRAM? Part I

Mentoring Culture

 

Mentoring Program vs Mentoring Culture

Why do organizations should to create a Mentoring culture instead of a Mentoring program?

It is surprising that even those organizations that have already felt the benefits of the Mentoring program do not use it more than just for one or another target group.

 

Why can only new employees gather the benefits of Mentoring in an organization? Or just executives? Or those who are referred to in the organization as “talents”?

Why is mentoring not available throughout the organization and for a wide variety of target groups? Why do we not allow informal mentoring to spread? Why do we not promote it? Why do we not give the tools to do that? We do not use the work, competencies that have already been acquired during formal mentoring.

 

It is quite known that the benefits of formal and informal mentoring are slightly different. Why don’t we combine everything so we can enjoy the benefits of both?

I’m sure you haven’t just thought about it yet. Or your organization isn’t ready for it yet and expecting preparatory steps is a must in anticipation of success.

Is your organization prepared for the Mentoring Culture?

Mentoring experts can create an amazing, potentially highly effective mentoring program for you. But it is also crucial to know what your organization’s situation is today. Will we be able to implement that program today? Perhaps this program would only suit your organization after a few years of consistent work.

In the beginning, it is very important to have a good analysis of the basis you are resisting in creating and nurturing a Mentoring culture in your business.

You will not create it in a day or a week. But if you start today, you’ll build faster than if you start in half a year.

What is the situation of your organization in the field of Mentoring?

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WHAT TO ACHIEVE FROM MENTORING PROGRAM? Part II

Engagement & Respect

WHAT TO ACHIEVE FROM MENTORING PROGRAM? Part II

EMPLOYEE ENGAGEMENT

 

My friend, reviewing her daily routine in recent months, she remembers having a particularly large amount of work, that they were not reduced during the quarantine, and that they have to be done in a shorter time than usual, depending on the situation. And she added that such a shorter deadline is likely to remain after the quarantine as the employees handle their work. But they are a little sad, they have little motivation to try and do.

As I read her letter, it quickly connects with the thoughts expressed during many of my interviews with employees, that it is very important for them to feel that their work is valued, respected, their comments are understandable, noticeable.

Engagement in organization

As Kristie Rogers states, “Show your employees that they are valued and your business will flourish”

Employee engagement is one of the goals. Most organizations declare that they seek it. They are looking for ways, but still spinning in a vicious circle. Those employees seem to be so stubborn and unwilling to get engaged in any way.

Whatever you think, most employees want it. To be involved, be part of the organization. They want an environment that helps them achieve organizational results where they feel psychologically safe and supported. And as a result, they are determined to donate more than one hour to the prosperous organization in which they are working. But they must also feel that what they are doing is valued by top executives, that each particular employee is part of the success of the company.

Owed and Earned Respect

According to K. Rogers, her research reveals that employees distinguish between two expressions of appreciation, respect –OWED (by itself) and EARNED.

The first, the OWED respect, is the same for all employees, available by itself. It responds to the need for all of us to feel involved, belonging to a particular group, to feel valuable. The second, the EARNED respect, is our recognition for some of our competencies, qualities, tasks performed. It responds to our need to be valued for our good work.

 

Creating a respectful environment in the organization, ensuring both of these types of respect promotes the personal growth of each employee. Those employees who feel that they are respected, their activities and results are valued, are loyal to the organization, achieve better results, prefer to cooperate with each other, are more creative, tend to trust the decisions of managers.

Mentoring and Engagement

Employees engagement is one of the answers to the question “What we achieve from Mentoring program?

Mentoring helps to create exactly the kind of environment that is respectful of each other. By developing the competencies needed for mentors, by constantly mentoring, we naturally transfer all these skills into our daily activities. By creating a Mentoring culture, we expand our acquaintance network, which leads us to smoother collaboration, support, help each other, easier agreements, and the discovery of more effective solutions.

When evaluating the engagement of your organization’s staff, consider the existence of both of these types of respect and Mentoring culture. This will help in selecting or refining measures to encourage employee engagement.

 

Are the staff in your organization feel engaged?

Let me a message 🙂

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WHAT TO ACHIEVE FROM MENTORING PROGRAM? Part I

Networking

WHAT TO ACHIEVE FROM MENTORING PROGRAM? Part I

COMMUNITY

 

Cooperation

Cooperation is fast becoming one of the key competencies in the 21st century. The realities of 2020 have only accelerated and further highlighted the power of cooperation.

Community

Well, collaboration requires community. In recent decades, we seem to be moving further and further away from communities. A time of prosperity for individualism. So now we have to get back what we lost a little bit, and we turn out to need it.

Environment at Work

For a few months together with one of my mentee we set out on her further journey in the professional field. And here, at the end of the mentoring, a few months later, she wrote the message that she had left her previous job and joined one of the startup teams. What is she most happy about now? The fact that the whole team works by being focused on the result and that is appreciated. Communality. Support. That is exactly what was missing in the previous work, in which, according to her, 50 per cent of working time was wasted solving intrigue problems. 50 per cent!!! So although she enjoyed the work, the decision was made to stop the battle against imaginary enemies and go her own way. Thus, the organization lost another employee who is very dedicated to her work. Because of the internal culture. Because of the absence of communality.

Do employees in your organization trust each other, help each other, and work focused on the result you are aiming for? Do they know each other? Do they only communicate with colleagues from their department? Teams? No, not at team-building events to which some employees, if they could, would gladly not go. But voluntarily and in professional daily life.

Mentoring culture brings it together

And how is the mentoring culture related here? After all, you are reading this article by visiting my site.

The fact is that you are creating a community by creating a mentoring culture. Mentoring programs create opportunities and encourage communication between employees in different departments who might not even meet in work activities.

This encourages employee networking. The circle of acquaintances within the organization is expanding. And then there are all the advantages of networking that benefit both the employees themselves and the organization as a whole.

Proximity and communion are side effects of mentoring that help create an inclusive, motivating environment at work. And the result of all this is that employees themselves tend to share with each other, help, agree, look for common solutions that help the organization achieve its goals and prosper.

 

 The topic “What to achieve from Mentoring” is just started. There is a lot to say 😉

Are you purposefully building your community? Have you developed tools to promote this? Has Mentoring culture already become part of your community?

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WHAT MAKES A GOOD MENTORING PROGRAM? Part I

Mentor and mentee

WHAT MAKES A GOOD MENTORING PROGRAM? Part I

LEADERSHIP

 

Do you have a mentoring program in your organization?

Do you also have a mentoring program manager?

I invite you to think about what we forget too often in Mentoring.

 Mentoring Leadership

This is an essential thing that I researched in my Master’s thesis. This work is probably my first written source, which also captures my thoughts on Mentoring Culture. The work was defended in 2014, but the culture of mentoring haunted me much longer. Like the perception of what kind of mistake we as leaders keep repeating in mentoring.

Process Management

All leaders are well aware that processes need to be managed. No, I will not talk about process management. However, neither ten years ago nor now do I understand why leaders do not pay enough attention to the management of the Mentoring process. And yet they expect results.

Mentoring Program Manager

The role played by the third party, the Mentoring program manager, is highlighted by most authors writing on the topic of Mentoring.

However, after many of my interviews with both the leaders of the organizations themselves and with the Mentors and mentee, the picture emerges that the focus is on mentoring pairing. And here it stops. As if that’s all. Here is a mentee, here is a mentor assigned to the mentee. Let’s go. Start mentoring. Create benefits for each other and the organization. So they start creating.

 Usually they do it the way they know it. What if there are 20, 30 or more Mentors in an organization?… And is there no program manager or he is not very active? Or the process itself and his own functions are not very clear to him? Then we will have not a single purposeful Mentoring process in the organization leading to the desired result, but many different small Mentoring processes. Some will be more successful, others not very successful. Some will be closer to the goal we hope to achieve, while others will fall far short of the arc.

The Mentoring program manager is one of the most important factors in determining the success of mentoring programs.

Whether an organization is implementing a Mentoring program or fostering a Mentoring culture will lead to those promised Mentoring benefits is highly dependent on who will be the guide who will lead to that goal.

 

 

That was just one parameter that let us to expect to have an effective mentoring program. Next time I will look at other components.

So take a look at your own mentoring programs.

Haven’t you lost any component that would lead to your success?

Do not hesitate to let me a message 🙂

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